If you’re looking for a long-term relationship or partnership, casual sex can actually be better for you in the long run. „Women tend to break up more often than men, because in a long-term relationship, there are deep disappointments and heartbreak; there are times when you feel rejected and unimportant, and you feel they don’t treat you the way you deserve,” says sex therapist Ali Rehmani. So if you use casual sex as a way to get what you want from a potential partner in a less vulnerable way, it can lead to more sustainable relationships.
„On the flip side,” says Ema Kenny, PhD, a behavioral health professional and counselor in New York City, „sex without meaning or emotional engagement is more likely to lead to infidelity.”
The expectation of casual sex — that a 20-something woman will get laid with little to no commitment — is a relatively new development. Sexual attitudes have evolved a great deal since the ’70s, which is why even today’s millennials value quality rather than quantity. „We don’t tend to move into ‘risky’ situations, which means walking around alone at night, to go to concerts,” says sex therapist Marie Rubino. „We are still trying to figure out where we’re going to find one of those.”
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„There’s a hookup culture in America,” says Ema Kenny, PhD, a behavioral health professional and counselor in New York City. „I hear from women and men who are having casual sex and, more important, casual intimacy all over the place, and that’s what’s most risky to them. One of the most important things about casual sex is it requires safety, time, intention, real emotions and communication.”
Who’s to blame for casual sex?
Is it the way we’re supposed to act? Is casual sex right and wrong? And is it really in vogue? „There’s a sense that casual sex is all there is. It’s the only kind of sex you’re supposed to have,” says sex therapist Alison Hobbs.
„Generally, casual sex is really not considered a legitimate form of dating. If you’re looking for a more serious emotional connection, you’re a little crazy, and you probably just want it,” says sex therapist Marie Rubino. She adds, „But when you’re a millennial, you think, well, maybe I’m a little bit crazy and I’m OK with that.”
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Needless to say, there’s a lot more to casual sex than just the preliminaries. Yeah, it might start off that way, but that hot-mess hookup won’t last much past the second of insemination. My own sex life has more to do with why I’m having casual sex than it does with why I won’t continue this type of dalliance. When you decide you’re just going to have sex without letting the person you’re with get to know you, at best, you’re just using them for a sexual outlet. When he’s talking about or going through a breakup, a study found that women’s brains are primed for casual sex — but the men still have a keen interest in it. According to researchers who studied the casual sexual behaviors of 143 guys and 86 women during either a breakup or a comfortable relationship, men appear to have a stronger sexual interest in casual sex when they’re not in a committed relationship — and the mere fact that they’re heartbroken is associated with increased horniness.The long-term effects of casual sex are practically nonexistent, but for some, the short-term effects are not so wonderful. About 13 percent of Americans — some 16 million people — identify as casual hookups, according to the book „Rethinking Sex” from Washington Post columnist Christine Emba. But because casual hookups are so common, researchers also tend to lump them in with more serious ones. Here’s what you need to know about what happens when you have casual sex. However, once I finally found myself in a relationship, it quickly became apparent that I would only find true love with someone I truly admired, someone who made me want to be a better person and, in return, was able to make me a better version of me. And he’s still an incredibly casual guy. He doesn’t expect me to do anything. He’s completely okay with whatever it is I’m doing. Even when I tell him about a new band I want to see, or a baby I want to meet, he’s just fine with it, and that makes me want to do more of the same. He’s affectionate and affectionate when we’re in public, but he hardly ever seems to want to make a big deal out of it. It can be difficult to enjoy with open arms, but when you can and want to, having casual sex can be one of the best experiences you’ve ever had.
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