1. Find Other People to Act Like Real People
Every day, people are deciding whether to have a coffee with someone or go on a date with someone. They’re accepting or refusing invites to parties, going on dates, and making plans to meet up with friends. They’re developing new friendships, spreading rumors about each other, and, in the most basic of ways, living life.
The first step to having a good time is getting a reality check about what’s happening in your friends’ lives. Beyond that, developing a network of friends and allies is essential to being happy and social in a city where people are constantly meeting, making plans, and skipping out. The more friends you have, the more people have to go to dinner with. The more dinners you’re at, the more people will be flirting with you. Once you find a ton of friends and allies in one place, you have a lot more to do.
If you’re looking for someone to go on a date with, it doesn’t help to be around people who’ve already settled down. You should be dating like a person, not like a couple. Take an approach like „I’m going to go eat pizza with someone, I’ll have you meet me at the place we’re at,” and you’ll likely find that people are more eager to make plans if they’re in the same boat.
2. Don’t Be Afraid to Ask for What You Want
No one should be afraid to ask for what they want. It’s the only way to get what you want out of life. Think of it this way: If you can’t ask for what you want, how will you ever find it? The best way to get what you want is to ask.
The best way to do that? By just asking.
A few months ago, I found myself at a party where, in the midst of the crowd, I felt like I wasn’t where I wanted to be. So, instead of stewing in my own despondency, I got up from my seat and walked over to the crowd. I introduced myself to a woman I’d just met, and she was incredibly nice to me, so I asked what she was doing. She told me she was making new friends at the party, and I said „Great! Why don’t you introduce me to some of them?” She did, and within 30 minutes, I had new friends.
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Dating Today: Putting Yourself Out There
Dating apps are amazing, but they can also be a little overwhelming. You download the app. You take a look through all the profiles. Most of the profiles look like they were designed by teenagers, so you feel a little bit like a fish in a fishbowl. Do people actually like me? Do they think I’m okay? Do they like me as a person? You scroll through your feed of photos and imagine saying hi in person. Then you take your first meeting in the real world, and it comes off a little awkward. I wouldn’t want to be me, and you wonder what you look like in person. That’s how every one of my first dates started, and I quickly decided that the best way to move forward with dating was to not allow that first date to affect my next date—that if I found someone I liked, I should take that person out on a second date. When you take someone out again, suddenly you feel like you might as well hang out with a friend you get along with.
You start to get comfortable, and then it’s time to get serious. You know in your heart that this person is good for you, but in order to move into a relationship, you first have to get to know them. At this point, you feel a little more confident. It’s time to put your best self out there.
You’re nervous about what to say, how to act, what kind of picture to post. You worry about how you’ll look in a picture. You’re worried about offending someone. You’re worried about showing off. You’re worried about all the wrong things. But you keep putting yourself out there because, hey, you know you want to date someone, and you’re going to do what you have to do to get that date. You start letting go a little bit.
You say things you would never normally say. You take things in that you wouldn’t normally take in. You don’t second-guess yourself. You show your best self. The day you meet up with that person is what you’ve been waiting for, and you can’t wait to hear what they have to say, and you can’t wait to get to know them. You even tell people about your date, and then you tell yourself that you’re glad you did because you’re already regretting some of the things you said or didn’t say in that first date.
Social Anxiety
It
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